How to communicate effectively in your marriage: 11 questions to ask your spouse

This month, we’re focusing on relationships in The Organised Life Project, and specifically this week, marriage. We’ve looked last week at why a Date Night is essential. This week’s task might be a good one for a date night – we’re focusing on how to communicate effectively in your marriage.

All the experts agree: communication is essential for a good marriage. But how often do we actually sit down and talk?

I know it’s really difficult. When you’ve got small children, it’s so hard to have a conversation that lasts longer than 30 seconds sometimes. We all have huge pressures on our time and our attention. But surely our partner deserves some of that attention?

If you look online, there are lots of articles about having difficult conversations with your partner. They advise you to be positive, be non-accusatory, to listen more than you talk and so on. Those principles – especially the ones I’ve listed – are really important.

How to communicate effectively in your marriage - 11 questions to ask your partner

But what if you’re in a pretty happy marriage, and just want to make it better?

I’m going to suggest a few questions to ask your partner. You can do this over several days or weeks, or you could spend a date night asking each other these questions. Of course, listen to each others’ answers. Share your own thoughts. These are big questions, and you might find it overwhelming to think about it all in one go.

11 Questions to help you communicate effectively in your marriage

What makes you happy at the moment?

Where would you like to be in 5/10 years time?

What plans should we make for our home?

Where would you like to go on future holidays?

What is going well in our family life?

What is going well in our spiritual lives?

How would you like to spend our next few date nights?

What would you change about how we spend our time?

What would you like to improve in our marriage?

Which activities could we do together in the future?

What’s your favourite memory of our relationship?

Why do these questions help you to communicate effectively in your marriage?

As you can see, all the questions are phrased positively, and generally allow for open-ended responses. There are some that I know I could discuss for ages. (Holiday planning, anyone?)

I’ve deliberately left out ‘tricky’ questions: things about finances, or in-laws, or work. By all means, they are discussions that you’ll need to have, but I do think it’s important to balance the tricky questions with more encouraging ones!

Are there any questions that you’d add to this list?

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